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  • Writer's pictureHenry Cavanaugh

What Were I Thinkin’?

Updated: Dec 15, 2018

You know, Sally-May told me a darn funny story earlier this morning. She said I’m a changed man nowadays and that I changed for the better.

According to her silly story - and in His name, is it silly - I was a flaming homosexual city boy when I started at this here ranch just a month ago. I was supposedly on some internship thing and had never even seen a horse with my own eyes before. It sounds like total bullshit, right? I couldn’t help but laugh in her darn cute face because no matter how pretty she is, she doesn’t half talk some utter crap!

Everybody knows that I ain’t no city boy. Hell, I hate the city! It’s loud and crowded and everybody’s so far up their own ass they’re constantly smelling their own shit. I’m a country boy, born and bred, and I can’t imagine ever spending my whole life in some office with a suit and tie on. I mean who the fuck does that? Certainly no folk like me, I can promise you that much!

“You didn’t even dress like that, I’m tellin’ you!” Sally-May continued, running her mouth with more wild stories. Couldn’t she tell I didn’t believe her? “You wore all them preppy clothes like a real brown-nosed city boy.” The suggestion was almost enough to make me violent. As if I’d be caught dead in anything ‘preppy’. Hell, gimme some boots, some denim and a Carlsbad to keep the sun outta my eyes and I’m pretty much sorted!

As for this whole ‘flaming homosexual’ business, I don’t want none of that! I’ve only known one queer in my life and let me tell you this, he didn’t last long on this here ranch! I’m living the straight and narrow life, as every man should. Hell, Sally-May knows all too well that I haven’t been sticking my dick in any queers. I’m a ladies man, through and through, and if Sally-May keeps talking crazy then I’m gonna have to find another broad who living in some fucked up fantasy world where I’m some faggot city boy. 

I told Tony, my boss, what Sally-May was saying and he just laughed. “Hell, maybe she’s telling the truth,” he joked, slapping me on the back. I shook my head, disgusted by the thought. “Either way I think you’re much better like this. We ain’t having no queers on this ranch.” He’d made that clear on day one and of course I’d agreed with him. My momma taught me about right and wrong and by God himself I ain’t the type of man to disappoint his momma.

Still, there’s just a small part of my mind questioning whether there’s a little bit of truth to what Sally-May was saying. Wouldn’t that be weird - me as a city-loving homo? Fuck, I can hardly even imagine it! I don’t even really want to.

Ugh, I gotta let this shit go before I start believing Sally-May isn’t just telling me crazy stories for the hell of it. Besides, if I was ever really like that then what were I thinkin’? That ain’t the right kind of guy to be working on a ranch and I damn sure ain’t gonna be working anywhere else! This is my home and my life and a proud country boy like me couldn’t ask for more!

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