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  • Writer's pictureHenry Cavanaugh

What The Ladies Are Into

Having just turned seventy, Myron couldn’t help but feel like he had wasted so much of his life. He’d never been married and his last relationship had ended over thirty years ago. Since then he’d lived a somewhat happy and certainly lonely existence, his only company being a few old work colleagues he met up with every other evening at their local Irish pub.

Back in his youth Myron had worked on a ranch and it kept him fit, healthy and most importantly in great shape. He’d had his fair share of beautiful dames in his bed, teaching them what a real man felt like, but then he’d gone and permanently damaged his right knee. He was using a cane by the time he was thirty and soon after began drastically losing the body he was so proud of. 

His injury sent him spiraling into depression and in order to deal with those negative emotions he began eating. His muscles were gone, replaced by a layer of flab as a beer gut started to hang over the top of his pants. His once-powerful arms became saggy with fat, leading to thick digits that had difficulty doing anything with any finesse. He became a sad excuse of a man, driving away any girl who pitied him enough to show him any attention.

Myron’s life became a sad cycle of work and sleep with very little of note between those. By the time he retired he found that he had little to do than camp out in front of the television and mindlessly watch whatever was on. He found himself envious over every handsome actor he saw prancing around on the screen without their shirts on, especially the ones getting particular attention from the babes. If only I could be one of them, he lamented, knowing that he was long past his prime.

The last thing Myron expected to see when he thoughtlessly switched to the shopping channel was a so-called “real life body swapping hotline” being advertised. The company claimed that by dialing their phone number, the caller would be able to switch their bodies with anybody in the world for just five-hundred bucks. Myron predicted that it was nothing more than a scam but he had more money than sense and the thought of switching bodies with a younger man got him excited, even if his body was long past the point of being able to react to that excitement.

Cautiously dialing the number, Myron cast his mind to the type of guy he would want to be if that was a possibility. Young, certainly, and with a nice lean body. He’d had enough of all of this flab and he wanted to be the kind of man women found desirable. The kind who could make the wet with just a look.

“Thank you for calling Switch It Up, this is Becky you’re speaking to! May I ask your name?” a female voice asked. Just from her voice Myron could picture her immediately - the blonde airhead type, probably chewing gum and playing with herself under her desk at work. She was exactly the kind of bimbo he’d love to get his hands on if he had the second chance at youth.

“Myron Beckett,” he grunted in response. The girl on the other end of the line giggled and he felt his mood sour. Even back in his prime his name had been somewhat outdated but he hated being mocked by the younger generation for it. They had no concept of respect at all.

“Okay Mr Beckett, whose body would you like us to switch you into?” the girl asked, followed by the sounds of a lollipop smacking against her lips. So unprofessional. He had more important things to think about now that he’d been asked the big question though and he cast his eyes around the room for some inspiration until his eyes fell onto a recent newspaper proudly displaying a large advertisement for a new movie.

“How about that guy from those 50 Shades movies?” he suggested staring at his handsome face in the poster. That was what the ladies were into these days, wasn’t it? Yeah, he’d do nicely. He checked at the top of the poster for a name and sure enough, there it was. “Jamie Dornan! Yeah, him.” Myron couldn’t honestly say he’d ever seen the man in anything but he was a good looking guy with a successful career so why not?

There was a pause on the other end of the line that made Myron feel nervous. “We’ve just taken the five-hundred dollars from your account and the switch will commence shortly,” the girl declared proudly before breaking off into giggles. Myron had no idea what to expect. He hadn’t even given them his account details so how could they possibly have already taken the money from him already?

Before he could even seriously begin to question what was going on, a blinding flash cut off his sight and left him stumbling forward. Surprised by how light he felt, Myron almost toppled straight over. “Have a nice life, Mr Dornan!” the girlish voice said before the call ended altogether.

Finally Myron’s vision slowly began to return and he found himself looking at a room he didn’t quite recognize. It was a hotel room by the looks of it and much more expensive than anything he’d be able to afford in his life. That didn’t really work, did it? He found himself scrambling desperately for a mirror, surprised at how quickly he could move now that he was no longer seemingly restricted by the vast body weight he had amassed over the years.

Sure enough the face smirking back at him was one he only recognized from posters and the odd movie trailer playing on the television. He was undeniably handsome with his thick beard and close-cropped brown hair, not to mention lean and toned. All the unwanted weight Myron had gained over the years was gone and he was even more delighted to find that his cock was even bigger than his had ever been. He was working with some real promising equipment!

For a moment Myron spared a thought for the real Jamie Dornan, wondering how the handsome actor was doing now that he found himself in a decidedly unattractive body. Thankfully he didn’t have to be concerned about it at all because that wasn’t his life anymore. He was a famous actor with a big premiere right around the corner and plenty of fangirls throwing themselves at him. He didn’t even need to leave the hotel before he’d seduced a married woman back into his extra-large suite and gotten to experience the joys of being a man on top of his game once more.

In the end it wasn’t so much about what kind of guys the ladies were into but more what ladies he was quite literally getting into, all thanks to Switch It Up…

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