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  • Writer's pictureHenry Cavanaugh

Morfoni’s Festival

You know, I was a little doubtful when I heard that Morfoni’s Festival was going to be coming to my small town because nothing big ever happens to us. I didn’t even know what it was going to be about because I had no idea who or what Morfoni was but the thought of a festival taking place in the field right outside of my home seemed strange. Who would ever bother travelling to our small town to come to some dumb festival anyway?

I had all but given up on my chance to get out of the town. I was doomed to live as a sales assistant at the local clothes store whose only real excitement was whenever the corner shop stocked new Superman comics. I was in my early twenties but people still mistook me for a teenager because of my wiry frame and nerdy interests. I didn’t have much confidence and wanted desperately to start a new life elsewhere but what options did I really have?

The tents seemed to spring up over night. I never saw nor heard any construction crews arriving to do the work and yet when I woke up one morning the entire filled was covered in a number of tents and it was already swimming with hundreds of people. I had no idea this many people even knew my town existed, let alone had any intentions of visiting!

Strangely enough my parents and big sister didn’t seem to be in the house when I woke and it didn’t take me long to predict that they had gone to investigate what the festival had to offer. There had been chatter around the town for a few days as we tried to work out exactly what it was and who had put the flyers up but nobody had any answers. I would have to take the initiative and work things out for myself by checking it out as no doubt the rest of the town already had, plus a bunch of tourists who had suddenly flocked in.

The first thing I noticed when I got to the festival and bought a ticket was that everybody seemed to be talking about magic. More specifically they were talking about transformation magic and how they’d grown taller or had their extra weight stripped away and I began to fear that I was surrounded by crazies. None of the things they were talking about seemed possible, especially not the six-feet tall guy with big muscles and rough stubble who ran up to tell me that “even the portable toilets are magical!”

Deciding to try and find my family, I peered into some of the tents and was disappointed to see the most basic level magic shows I could imagine - rabbits being pulled out of hats and the like. One of them featured a magician’s assistant turning into a frog but I guessed there was probably just some mirror work going on because there was no way that had actually happened.

Eventually I felt nature calling and abandoned my search to head for the so called magical portable toilets. After queuing for what felt like forever, I was finally at the front of the line and hurried into one of the small cabinets. I relieved myself in record time but when I stood up from the seat I was surprised to find that I stood a fair few inches taller. Brushing it off as just my imagination, I washed my hands and stepped out of the compartment.

The first thing I noticed was people staring at me in excitement and whispering to their friends. “Did you see what he looked like before he went in?” One of them said to their friends who eagerly nodded. “Look at him now, he’s Superman!” I could only laugh in response. What the hell were they talking about? I didn’t look any different from before I stepped into that portable toilet because I’ve always been Superman.

What are you so confused about? I’m Henry Cavill, A-List actor and the Superman on the big screen. I’m in this insignificant town nobody’s ever heard of for Morfoni’s Festival because I’m looking for some freshly-transformed studs to bring onto my next movie as stunt doubles and extras. These people can stare all they like but I’m going to head into the tents to watch some magic from Morfoni’s disciples and worshipers. I don’t consider myself an overly religious man but the god of transformation had always been good to me so why wouldn’t I show up to his festival to show my appreciation?

Besides, it’s not like I’m the only A-List celeb here! I’ve already seen Ryan Gosling and I’m pretty sure that’s Joe Manganiello getting on stage with one of the warlocks right now…

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